July 4th, 2018 – I Met My Miracle

It was the Fourth of July 2018. I was doing what I normally was doing at that time in my life. Loaded up on speed and drinking beer at a local bar when a women walked in and quite literally turned my fucking life upside down. I mean she fucking changed my worldview in such a profound way, my bad writing, my vocabulary, no human words can describe what I  experienced. Even I have trouble coming to terms with what I have experienced. That is the reason I am writing here. Out of respect for this woman’s privacy, I cannot go into much detail about who she is, how old she is, and even her relationship to me at this point. She is fragile, she is broken, she is scared, she was lonely, she still is. One thing is very fucking certain I love the fucking shit out of her. I always will. She made me a way better man, she made me a way better human being, she is greatest fucking thing I have ever seen. She literally saved my fucking life. My life was not even that bad compared to others, it still is not. I am an entitled, unemployed punk milking my parents at the age of 28. I am not a writer, so you will have to forgive the lack of format, thesis, or grammar, or anything a critic will hold against me if and when they review this site. I am not looking for sympathy, a pat on the back, nor am I a self-help guru, or a hero. I am nothing, and people should hear what I have to say, because I know God is real. God is great.

At this point I will lose many people. I spent 27 and a half years of my life making fun of people that believe in god. Making fun of people that had faith. I thought they were stupid, I thought they were weak. I thought wrong. If you would like to hear me out I will tell you why. I thought very long and hard about my approach to this blog. Do I glorify myself? Because let me fucking tell you all, I could and should. I won’t because of this woman. This woman taught me how to be “real”. As an asshole for the vast majority of my life (I Still Am) this women and her story and what she taught me brought me down to earth very fucking quickly. She is so awesome to me, I do not even know to begin. The reason I am writing here is to avoid myself hounding her and professing my love to her and asking her for marriage, putting selfish pressure on her at a time where she is vulnerable. A time where she needs to focus on her. I can’t tell her story at this point because the situation is fragile to her, and fragile to me. She would be quite pissed at me. I can tell all with absolute confidence that she is the only thing on this planet that frightens me. If I lose her in any way, I lose myself. Consider this blog a certain form of therapy for me. My ability to provide my odd sense of perspective of the world around me as I see it. There will be no consistency to this blog. It is mine, my beliefs are mine, my experience is mine, my universe is mine, my thoughts are mine. I am not a preacher, I am not looking for money, I am not looking to convert anyone to anything. So let this site allow the world to see it as I Alex Brandon Mirkin see’s it.